I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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