Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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