So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
