plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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