I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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