what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bring me that man meat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
