Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
