Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
