I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Say something about gay babies.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
