It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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