fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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