Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
