It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
