we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
