Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i came on her dog
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
