I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
