Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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