Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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