If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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