i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i barfeds in our rink
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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