If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's always time for handjobs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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