WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
