i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
