Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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