you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
