Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I will die if light touches me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
