she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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