I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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