gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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