Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
