Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
