Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
