I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
