My nipple is on Facebook.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
