I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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