A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
