can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
