Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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