For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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