Do you still have your period?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
