We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
