PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
