So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
