One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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