Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am one with the molecules
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
