yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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