that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
