just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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