just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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