Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
