Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
