Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
