Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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