it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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