The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
