don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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