and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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