It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
