a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
