i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
