She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need moral support for this bender
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
