Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
