It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
someone owes me an orgasm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
