dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think my moral compass just broke
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
