I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
