I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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