school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
