last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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