4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
