He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
