I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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