i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
