So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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