my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
