you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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