remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
wow bdsm is so cute
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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