We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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