Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
